There may come a point in your life where you do not give a flying fuck what anyone thinks anymore. For me this realization came a year ago at the age of 29. I was living my life out of Fear. Fear of what people would think about me if I made certain choices. Fear of what career path to take. Fear of my relationships. Pretty much just a fear of living my life and to my fullest potential. Which was rooted in my fear of failure! FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR!
I was unhappy with mostly every aspect of my life. Why do I feel this way? I started questioning my decisions up to that point. My reasoning behind the choices I had made. And they were all based off of people other than myself and their beliefs or beliefs they have instilled in me all rooted in …. FEAR!
Let me break it down for you
Fear is built into us for survival. It allows us to cope with situations that need attention to keep us out of dangerous situations or to steer clear from someone. That is the healthy kind of fear. Most fears have been formed with a positive intent to keep us safe, but a lot of our fears we have are based off of outdated beliefs or things we told ourselves as children to keep us safe.
I love my family and in no way did they tell me these things to dis-empower me, but more along the lines to keep me safe. Our grandparents and parents have their beliefs because it is what worked for them and kept them alive and safe and put food on the table. They ingrain these beliefs in us at children… very impressionable children. Of course we believe them!
What worked for them 50 years ago no longer works for the future generations. Our world is constantly evolving and growing. For them that is hard to believe because they are so stuck in those belief systems that worked for them.
example
Here is one that was used in my family: You must go to college if you ever want to have a good job and meet a decent man to marry.
What Fear this brought up: Fear of never making enough money, Fear of never finding a nice husband, Fear that I am not living up to my families expectations.Fear that I am not good enough all unless I go to college.
So for the past DECADE + a few years I have been a college student … on and off… never really knowing what I want to do. But I was actively in school so my family couldn’t disown me. Not that they really would, but that’s the belief I created.
I finally questioned why I was going to school and none of the answers were for myself. They were all to make others happy. So I decided to stop going. And it has been one of the scariest things for me to explain to people why. I FEARED what they would think of me now. But my desire to be happy and live authentically outweighed the FEAR.
When I finally told the person I was most terrified to tell that I would no longer be continuing my college education, she advised me that I should just go to get a degree just so I have something SAFE to fall back on in case it doesn’t work out. I said so I should spend my time and money on an education that takes me away from my son doing something i do not find enjoyable and am not pursuing as a career, but just have it in case things don’t work out? Sounds silly to me.
Fear has many forms
- Jealousy- I FEAR that because they have something, then I can not have it too.
- Procrastination- I FEAR failure or even success.
- Co-dependence – I FEAR being alone.
- People Pleasing- I FEAR what others think about me.
- Avoidance- I FEAR intimacy.
Start asking why
When you find yourself in an unhappy situation or doing something that doesn’t bring you joy ask yourself, why? Why am I doing this? Am I doing this for me or am I doing it because it is expected of me from someone else? Ask yourself what belief is behind your reasoning for doing what your are.
A lot of our beliefs are from what society tells us. How we should act and dress and what religions to follow.They reach us by what we watch on television, in the news, and I wish it wasn’t but most of it is fear based. Fear that we won’t fit in. Fear of our safety, Fear that we will go to hell if we do not believe. Fear triggers our emotions to keep us from looking to closely at what the facts may really be.
So when you start asking yourself why you have a belief also ask if this is still serving you, or is it holding you back from fulfilling your dreams and doing the things you want.
RE-writing those beliefs
After you pin point some of your core beliefs based in FEAR you need to re-write them as a new belief that works for you. Here are some examples of old beliefs and new ones.
OLD BELIEF: There is not enough money, I can not be successful and have all that I want if someone else already has it, there is not enough for me.
NEW BELIEF: The Universe is abundant. There is always enough money to go around and people always willing to spend money on my services or product. I am always attracting more money.
OLD BELIEF: The world is a scary and unsafe place.
NEW BELIEF: I have and always will be taken care of. The world is a safe place. I have been safe up to this point in my life and will remain safe from here on out.
OLD BELIEF: You have to work hard for your money.
NEW BELIEF: Money and abundance comes easily to me. I do work that I love doing that naturally comes easy. I enjoy it and it feels like I am not working at all.
Here is a link to another website that has some great information on rewriting our core beliefs to transform our fear if you need more help doing this and want to see more examples. https://www.momentoflove.org/coreissue
F.E.A.R. False evidence appearing real
What fears do you have that are preventing you from being your brightest best self? Remember what you focus on grows. If you are focusing on those old stories and beliefs then that is what will continue to show up for you in your life. Change your beliefs and change your life.
Here are two more articles I wrote that I beleive will also help resolve some of our issues with fear:
