This is a post that has been difficult for me to write. I am writing it for me though because as of right now the theme of letting go, control, and attachment has been coming up for me a lot, and it is something I need to work through. When ever i write it is a way for me to work through the issue myself and understand it.
For me letting go of control or letting go of the attachment i created to the outcome of a situation has been a difficult task. I have been in physical situations when younger where I absolutely had no control over what was happening to me. After that i created this belief within me that if I did not have control then I was not safe.
This internal belief I had about control and safety turned into some pretty strange eating and health habits. It was one way I felt I had control of my body. I had this belief that I was unclean and dirty on the inside and needed to purge, detox, and fast in an obsessive way to feel whole and pure again.
Control didn’t only show up on my dinner plate. It showed up in situations with my friends and relationships. I wanted to have control of whether or not someone liked me, where items went in the house, which route to take to get to point B from point A. I am happy to say I have come a long way since then and have done a lot of reflecting on why and how I became that way. Those beliefs no longer helped me though. They were not keeping me safe but holding me back.
When you have the need to control every outcome or situation you are blocking the flow. That Universal flow of something that could be great. Something you didn’t expect could happen. But when you are not attached to the outcome then you are open to many possibilities.
Why do we have the want to control?
The need for control comes from fear. And the roots of control are different for every person. It could be from sexual abuse, a parent expecting you to make them happy, physical abuse… the list goes on. We create this need for control in fear that someone else will dictate who we are or dictate how our lives go. We think that if we have control then we are safe from being controlled.
It’s the reason a lot of relationships don’t work out. One or both partners want the control or to control the outcome of a situation in the relationship. We all have the need for freedom. When someone is trying to control us or a part of our life it threatens our freedom. If we do not have freedom then we feel trapped. If we feel trapped, then we feel like we are being controlled which causes us to run or avoid.
If we loosen our grips then we give more ROOM & SPACE for growth and FREEDOM. We have to remember there are things in life we can control and things that we can not. Trying to control the things that are impossible to control gives your precious energy away to worrying and negative thoughts. We can’t change it so why use your time and energy trying to do so.
things we do not have control over:
- The weather
- What other people think
- What other people do
- Other peoples beliefs
- What other people feel
- What other people say
- The past
- Getting old
- Our family
- Where we came from
- Pleasing Everyone
- Lost time
- Making someone love us
- Natural Disasters
- Traffic
Things we do have control over:
- Your beliefs
- Your attitude
- Your perspective & thoughts
- Who your friends are
- Your effort
- How honest you are
- The amount of gratitude you show
- How you treat other people
- What you focus on
- Your reactions
- How you treat yourself
- What you’ll stand for
- Your boundaries
- The type of food you eat
- The amount you exercise
- What you spend and invest your money in
- How much time you spend worrying
- Whether or not you judge people or not
- What you read, what you watch, what you listen to.
We try to control because of what we think will happen if we don't
Letting go of control is not the same as losing control. It is letting go of the feelings and the illusions that you are out of control. Being attached to the outcome of a situation is having expectations for how it SHOULD go. An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen and beliefs are limiting in nature. You have to be prepared that those beliefs/ expectations might not be met.
We live in a world where everyone thinks they know what is best. Best for them and best for everyone else. We think that things should go and be a certain way all the time. We have to have a little more trust in the Universe and LET GO, Loosen up, SURRENDER!
Surrender is the complete acceptance of what is and having faith that all is well. Have you made it this far in life? Are you surviving? Have you been in situations or stuck in parts of your life thinking this is the worst and not knowing how you were going to get through it or go on? Well, here you are! Everything always works out. When we trust that we are okay no matter what we don’t need such a tight grip. We can let go and open up to many more possibilities.
