HOW PLAYING VICTIM CAN STUNT YOUR PERSONAL GROWTH

A lot of us are stuck in a pattern of playing victim and most of us do not realize it or are in denial. Staying in denial keeps us from taking responsibility for our lives because it is easier than accepting that we create our reality, or work through our feelings.

Victim mentality is a method of avoiding responsibility, criticism, receiving attention and compassion and evading feelings of genuine anger. A person with the victim mentality may feel a sense of helplessness, loss of control, pessimism, negative thinking, feelings of guilt or shame, self blame, and depression. This type of person may have the expectation of always being hurt.

Before you read on I want to express that some of this can be hard to accept.  We do not want to hear what is wrong with us. This is a part of growth. And if we believe that we are the ones always in the right never in the wrong we will not be able to grow in life. It is necessary to take a step back and look at our lives from a different perspective. We need to step back so that we can see our patterns. Sometimes we are the toxic people. Sometimes we are the negative person. Once we accept that, then we can stop that process and learn to live in a more positive way. Be gentle and don't be too hard on yourself. This is a process and you are growing.

Where does the victim mentality stem from?

As a child we developed this trait in order to protect ourselves. It was our coping mechanism to survive difficult situations where we were scared or did not receive the love or nurturing that we needed. We create this victim mentality to protect our egos.

The victim mentality is the product of crisis or trauma in our childhoods. Trauma can show up in many different forms. There may have been violence in the family or manipulation from narcissistic parent. It could even be from sibling rivalry. When we start to believe one sister or brother is favored over us and everything is unfair.

This may have helped us as children, but as an adult it is a belief that no longer serves us. We are capable of taking care of ourselves and making ourselves feel safe. Remaining in the victim mentality will hinder our personal growth and can hurt our personal relationships.

How Playing Victim Shows Up

• Making others feel bad for them.
• Repeating the same situations so that you can stay the victim.
• Feeling bad for yourself.
• Being a martyr.
• Addicted to the help and sympathy you get from playing the poor me card.
• Not able to do things for yourself.
• Codependent relationships.
• Everyone is out to get you.
• Never being in the wrong.
• Blaming others for what happens to us.
• Not taking responsibility.
• Thinks the world should be fair but it isn't.
• Looking to others to satisfy our needs.

How does this affect our personal growth?

The world around you is a reflection of what is going on in your mind. Your outer reality is a product of your thoughts. What you are thinking becomes your dominant pattern. If you believe you are a victim and think that everyone is out to hurt you, then you are going to keep creating situations that validate you as a victim in your head. You need to get out of that pattern of thought.

You know that quote by Albert Einstein, "The definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result." We can not keep playing the victim and expect our life to get better. We have to actively change our thoughts and think about how we want things to be. This is a difficult thing to do when we are so accustomed to living in the same pattern for so long. You are going to have to actively recognize when you start to feel like you are a victim in a situation and reflect on what triggered you and why you feel that way.

This is an active coping method that will increase your feeling of personal power and self confidence. When you stop playing victim and see it for what it is and take responsibility for your self, your feelings, and your actions, you stop the pattern of victimization.

You will start to realize that you are in control of your life and create your reality with your thoughts. We do not need anyone to make us feel a certain way, but we do it on our own. We do not need to blame others for anything that has happened. We take responsibility for our feelings and do the inner work needed to overcome the beliefs we ingrained as a child in order to feel safe that no longer serve us.

Forgive yourself, you are only human, and this is part of the experience of life. You've learned a lesson... now incorporate it.

Healing these wounds starts on an energetic level. They are programmed as a child into our subconscious. I offer energetic tools that can help you heal and align with your highest self. Work with me one on one to create a personal custom essence blend and start your healing journey today!